bleach

Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Corp Culture

What is corp culture ? It's a chapter in communication skills module which teaches you how to fit in into a new company when you found a new job. How hard can it be to fit inside a company? Especially in big companies where there are so much department that nobody in the whole company know who else is in the company except those people working in their department.

To discussing this topic, you need to be either
1. Some big shot CEO of some big company.
2. Some employee who had join many companies and know all different type of corp culture.
3. Some stupid kid who think he is a big shot.

My comm skill lecturer belongs to number 2. She worked in both private and govt sector. Her experiences is really high. From her tone I can tell she at least have worked in 5 different company. Learning from her experience is great.

But today, I am not trying to share her experience with you all. I am now writing as some asshole who belong to number 3. I am writing in terms of a teenager working part-time in a restaurant. I am writing how I feel about corp culture. This is for entertainment purpose and should not be used as a educational material.

Recently my restaurant is shortage of full-time staff. Jenny and Ally ran off because they found some office job. Good for them. But I will miss them. Both of them are very friendly and I like to chat with them. Den the 2 gals from china, Apple and Elaine are going back to china. They came to singapore for attachment. 6 months of attachment. And now is time for them to return home. I will miss them too... They also very friendly... Usually can talk cock with them when there is no customer. In short, this month I got 4 friends who will be leaving. I have 4 friends less to talk with. Sad.

This is when all the corp culture starts. Firstly, I need to accept change. I can accept change. I have seen 2 friends leaving already. No big deal. I guess in the adult working society, job-hopping, quitting, newcomer and kenna fired are common things. I don't think a company will remain the same staff after 5 years. I have no problem accepting it.

So if I can adapt to the change, is that it ? My entry ends here? No. Wrong. I wanted to talk about corp culture. But its not on me. Its on this newcomer. I will call him Mr A. Obviously, Mr A have never learn anything about corp culture. He don't know how to fit in.

Before the day I met him, I have heard from kang about how irritating Mr A was. So when I saw his face, I thought that he have a irritating face. Maybe is because kang comments influence me. So I told myself to judge him fairly.

Our 1st conversation started like this...

A : Do you work only on friday?
Me: No... usually is fri, sat and sunday.
A : Just now there was this japanese guy at table XX
A : He was having his birthday cake.
A : So I wish him happy birthday.
A : He was happy and wanted to treat me to eat the cake.
A : But I told him I was full.
A : He also said he was full.

*Silence for few secs*

Me : (SMLJ... he suddenly change topic until no link. Plus that one is like close ended question... What should I say ? What should I reply ? WTF? The cake, the japanese and the table itself is not related to me lor...)
Me : okay.

As you can see. He is really not good in converstaion skill. If he was a student, he will probably get a F. At this point I was still ok with him. I just find that he is not good at asking open-ended question.

Our 2nd conversation piss me off. It was after work. There was Mr A, me, kang, tong and shirley... 5 of us.

Tong : Kang you really slim leh.
Kang : You also very slim mah.
Tong : Where got? I 60kg leh.
Me : Huh? You 60kg meh? Don't look so leh. You look as slim as kang.
A : What about me? You think I weight how much?
Me : Erm... Dunno... About same bah... 55 to 60kg.
A : You really think so?
Me : Ya... What's your weight?
A : I dunno.
Me : (Wah lan eh chee bye kia... Talk until so long den u tell me u dunno your weight. Den you ask me guess your weight gam lan? You don't even have an answer for me... asshole. Waste my time.)
A : Then whats your weight?
Me : Around 75kg bah.
A : Huh? You so heavy meh?
Me : (Wah kao. Any normal people one look at me will know I am over-weight lor. You eyes got stamp is it?)
Me : Ya...
A : Don't look like it leh...
Me : ....
A : But you look like got a lot of meat.
Me : (SMLJ? I don't look overweight. I just look like got a lot of meat. So the more meat I have, the lighter I am ? Is that your newton's 4th law ?)

At this point, I was piss off with him. I find him very xu wei. Everyone who knows me know I am over-weight. No matter how you look at me, from left, from right, from top or from bottom, I look overweight. Thats the truth. I know who I am and who I AM NOT. So you no need to lie to me asshole. If you lie to me to make me few better, looking like I have a lot of meat does not help in making me feel better about myself.

The 3rd conversation really push me to the limit. I already start to dislike him in the 2nd converstaion. Its the 2nd time he talk to me and he already piss me off. How bad can he be? He get worst in the 3rd converstaion. Tong walk another direction. So left 4 person. Kang was walking with shirley infront. Me and Mr A was behind them.

A : You got girlfriend or not ?
Me : No.
A : Why don't have?
Me : (KNNBCCB.. WTF is wrong with u? Don't have means don't have lar na bei. What you want me to reply ? I don't have girlfriend because I am an asshole ?)

At this point I was really piss off. I start to xia lan him.
Me : I don't have because I don't want to.
Me : I have already ditch 3 , 4 girls already.
A : Huh? You ditch 30 girls? (The converstaion was in chinese... so 3 , 4 sounds like 30)
Me : No. If I have ditch 30 girls I can be love god already.
A : Haha. I see. You don't want girls because they are very troublesome?
Me : Ya.
A : Then did you "play" all your girlfriends before you ditch them ?
Me : No.
A : Why you don't "play" with them 1st?
Me ( Because I am not a bastard like you. Thats why. )
Me : Because I am a honest guy.
A : Haha. I don't believe you.

At this point of time I start to ignore him. He is obviously a chee bye kia. Firstly, you don go around "playing" girls. Its very bastard. Because of scums like you, girls don't trust guys anymore. This cause low birth rate in singapore. And its all because of scums like you. And because girls don't trust guys anymore, thats why I don't have girlfriend. All thanks to you scumbag.

Secondly, I don't know you well. We spoke 3 times nia. And you are talking about "playing" women. I am not your porn kahki leh. I am not some asshole who have shared countless of porn magazine and VCD with you. I don't even know your name. And there you are talking about such topics. It show that you dunno how to fit into a "clean" company. And it shows your morale. You have none, asshole.

The second day. He witness another corp culture. That is eating supper. Inside my restaurant, every night, there will be leftover fried rice. Usually I won't eat that uneless I am very hungry. But sometimes, when the chef have time, they will cook supper. Those supper I comfirm will eat. Some really nice lar... Chef cook one leh. And the last type of supper is dessert. When customer cancelled dessert, we get to eat it.

I love dessert very much and heng heng that day got dessert. So Mr A saw me eating dessert. And he said... You appetite very good hor. I was pissed off. He was obviously hinting that I was over-weight. But this is corp culture. Got supper we eat. No supper we go home. If you don want to eat, fuck off. Don't come bother me. This is corp culture. Either you adapt to our company. Or you fuck off. I hope you fuck off.

So in short, I want to advise to my fellow friends. Corp culture is important. Don't treat corp culture (eating of supper) as personal habits. Somethings might seems wierd to a newbie like you. but for us lao jiao, we know its common. If you ever join a new company. Spend a few days observing corp culture before making stupid comments. The things you are commenting might be a corp culture in some company.

Secondly, watch what you say. Obviously avoid sensitive topics. Use your brains. 1st impression is important. Friendly is friendly. But speaking sensitive topics to your new friends does not 100% shows you are a open-minded person. You don't mind about it but I mind. I don't like bastards who "play" with girls. I eat this kind of bastards for lunch.

Ken jumped off the building @ 11:45 PM

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